What Are You Grateful For?

How the practice of gratitude transformed me

We all know the value of having a gratitude practice, and I'm sure many of you have your own. I’ve been practicing for a few decades, and I've learned a few things along the way that have significantly enhanced my practice and transformed me in the process. I can break this down into three stages.

Stage One

I started with being grateful for what I perceived as “good.” Initially, I thought I would be grateful for the same things, but every day I discovered new things to be grateful for. Life offers so much that we miss unless we make time for it; nature is bountiful and abundant. During my daily walk, I was grateful for the colors of the flowers and plants, the crimson of the setting sun with its various hues, the squirrels frolicking, the lizards scampering as I walked along their path, and the occasional bunny rabbit I spotted. Soon, my gratitude practice evolved from a morning journaling habit to one that I experienced multiple times throughout the day.

Stage Two

This one I had to bring on intentionally. My childhood imprints were those of being alone. My brain was wired to be independent and to “go at it alone,” as I had always had to from an early age. Asking for support, much less receiving it, was not a neural pathway in my brain. A deeply embedded belief was that I didn’t need support. It felt weak.

By this time, I was well on my way to becoming who I wanted to be - free from old patterns, conditions, and limiting beliefs. I knew I needed support, and I had to learn to receive it.

So, my gratitude practice evolved. While sensing into what I was grateful for, I would also say this to myself, “I receive this with gratitude. I am supported.”

This has helped my nervous system shift from the “fight” of surviving alone to the yielding of receiving support, allowing new neural pathways to be created. In moments of stress, my mind is now open to asking for support. I no longer see it as a weakness, but as a human need. Now, my giving and receiving are more harmonious.

Stage Three

What started as feeling grateful for nature evolved into feeling thankful for the people I can reach out to for support, and now it has become something more.

I’ve come to appreciate the unwanted, the uncomfortable, and the uncertainty that are inevitable in life. It’s these undesirables that lead us to grow.

Because many of those are painful for us, we tend to push them away. However, I’ve come to accept pain as a natural part of life. When we bypass pain, we bypass joy because pain gives meaning to joy, and we all want that. Embracing pain and “being with” discomfort is a practice of “being with life” and ultimately a practice of “finding joy.“

So, now my gratitude practice has evolved to one in which I lean into discomfort, pain, and uncertainty. It hasn’t been easy. I’ve had to build my capacity for it. When we do, we open ourselves up for new possibilities.

What I’ve come to see is that genuine gratitude isn’t just about celebrating what feels good. It asks us to soften our grip on certainty and to let the richness of each experience, welcome or not, shape us.

This kind of gratitude isn’t easy because it grows in the face of discomfort, loss, or uncertainty. Yet it has shown me again and again that when I turn toward what I would rather avoid, I find a deeper sense of belonging to myself, to others, and to life itself.

If you’re willing, I invite you to notice what you habitually push away and to ask yourself: Can I be grateful for this, too? You might be surprised by the meaning, healing, and possibility that begin to emerge when you do.

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